Will Modern Technology Overwhelm The Canyon Man?
Nowadays, it’s pretty much a given that we have entered what can only be considered the modern age (though the so-called ‘modern age’ supposedly started in 1700). In fact, modernity is everywhere one cares to look, and even the Amish are getting in on the act, putting new ultralight horseshoes on their animals that promise 50 miles per bag of oats, at minimum.
All kidding aside about the Amish, it’s still a fact that there’s one guy running around — who last updated his wardrobe when Dick Clark was a swinging young man fresh from Philadelphia — around the neighborhood. Call him ‘Canyon Man, ‘ and make sure to also call him a mechanic to help him repair the 40-year-old heap in front of his house he refuses to part with, even to the point of wanting to be buried in it.
Now why Mr. Canyon Man is still sporting a leather watch band that probably came off the back of some poor animal who didn’t quite live up to expectations back in 1902 is a definite question for the ages, but the fact is he’s out there supporting it and will never consider what futurists refer to as ‘digital watches’ and what most people refer to as just a ‘watch’ nowadays.
This man is also completely horrified by the thought of looking at any sort of television that doesn’t come wrapped in a huge wooden console that probably was made from the oak timbers of a Revolutionary war-era sailing ship that once carried John Paul Jones around, with an equally elderly picture tube, to boot. It’s kind of disquieting to think of this, though it’s also very true.
It will be a fair bet — in fact, this kind of bet should be taken all the way to the bank — that Canyon Man won’t be coming anywhere near something like a custom LCD television at anytime in the near or far future. He also probably has never heard the words ‘DVD player’ (let alone ‘VCR’) in his life without uttering a string of profanities once those words had hit his auditory sensory organs, otherwise known as ‘ears.’
What is this man going to do when he is forced to confront the fact that TV is no longer beamed over the airwaves in the analog world? Will he become a ‘New Age Digital Man’ or will he refuse to give in to the inevitable when it comes to a new television and the LED backlight technology that makes one so slim that he would be afraid to approach it for fear that aliens would kidnap his brain?
For those standing on the sidelines — fully ensconced in all things digital and wondering why Canyon Man continues to tilt at his imaginary windmills — take comfort in knowing that he is out there acting somewhat like a canary in a coal mine, sitting in his 40-year-old beater mobile and sporting his studio 54 leisure suits. If aliens ever decide to baffle us through digital waves, he’ll be there to warn us that they’re on to us, and that’s a fairly comforting thought, it must be admitted.